Listening to your rhythms
This past week has officially started to feel like fall. I’m wearing jackets again and googling butternut squash recipes. I personally love the fall, but also feel some sadness with the change of the seasons. I often see my clients struggling with transitions during this time of year, too. The “end of summertime sadness” paves the way for seasonal depression. Some people get through the holidays just fine, with every storefront festively decorated and parties to look forward to through the end of December before they fall into a deep depression in the quiet of January. This feeling can start much earlier and also be accompanied by intense anxiety for others. Even for those who experience seasonal depression yearly, they may worry about this winter being worse than others or feel resentful about having to work so hard to feel okay. It is important for me to check in with myself during this time of year to get ahead of any mood changes that could occur. I feel myself becoming less energized when the sun sets earlier. I lose motivation to engage with new goals when I know work will be slower around the holidays. I notice how time starts to feel different and my rhythms change. I crave warmth from hot showers and teas, and I slowly form an evening ritual of burying myself under throw blankets and picking a pair of fuzzy socks to bring me joy each night.
I work with a lot of high-achieving women who have been primed to think logically and rationally at all times. They are the powerhouse of their team and their home. They are used to running things in the most efficient way possible, and they don’t always love when I encourage them to stop optimizing and slow down and just feel their feelings. Diminishing their 120% capacity suddenly and without a backup plan can feel catastrophic. I am mindful to make sure this suggestion to slow down and feel does not come across as invalidating or condescending. I don’t expect them to drop all of their responsibilities and have a day dedicated to self-care. I usually draw people in by saying that feelings can be used as data and they can help you to plan and be proactive. You may be wondering how to combine the two. How can you slow down and feel while you want to speed up your thoughts and create change? Maybe the answer can be simple. You can put this into practice right now by taking one deep breath. And then another after that. You can notice if your body is sending you a hunger cue and think about the last time you ate something. Are you holding tension in your jaw and neck? Take a moment and notice. Next, consider the information your body is giving you. You might need a bathroom break, a snack, a water refill, a stretch break, or all of the above. Once you slowly start to notice physical sensations, you can integrate these mindful moments more frequently.
Practicing mindfulness can entail focusing on your emotions, thoughts, and bodily reactions. You can start with the one that feels the easiest. You might notice trouble slowing down or focusing on one thing at a time if you are anxious or your mind typically races, and that’s okay. You may try to notice everything and take in some information without automatically analyzing it. Trust that you know yourself and what is typical for you. Allow yourself to put together that your fatigue indicates a need for more rest. Your restlessness may mean that you could benefit from a physical outlet for your extra energy. The dread and anticipation you feel about returning messages and checking emails could signal that you’re on the cusp of burnout. Think about how you operate when you feel your best, and where you are right now. Consider seasonal patterns and the rhythms your body wants you to naturally follow. Set intentions around what you need to prioritize with work and in your personal life. Let yourself lean into the slowness that comes with the weather changing. Be kind with yourself when you struggle to wake up in the morning if the sun is no longer up when your alarm goes off. Notice how you can tend to your skin if you react poorly to the cold weather and consider changing your bedding as the temperatures drop to promote maximum comfort at night. Make the intentional switch from iced coffee to hot if that’s your thing, or make sure you have gloves to hold your iced coffee on a chilly morning. You deserve to feel comfortable.
My clients sometimes need reminders to listen to their intuition. This doesn’t mean that they never have a gut feeling; but the feeling is typically buried beneath layers of anxious thoughts and their endless to-do lists. There are guilty feelings and attempts to bargain. If you’ve ever thought “I just need to get through this deadline/decision/extreme burnout and then I swear I’ll make some changes”, you can probably relate to the stress that can come when you recognize that your gut feeling is begging you to make a change. And just because you can connect with that feeling, you may not automatically listen to it. I believe that following our rhythms and listening to our bodies is an intentional, ongoing lifestyle shift that requires regular practice. Society will encourage us to ignore our exhaustion or mask our burnout so we can be productive. Covert messages in advertisements tell us to just keep pushing and grinding. Sometimes the signs are more sneaky, like friends begging you to join a night out even though you already said no, or learning that everyone at your new job will still monitor their email on PTO “just to stay in the loop!”.
Do you want to begin the practice of connecting with your body, but you’re not sure where to start? Here are some introductory ideas.
Notice how your mouth and lips feel right now. Are you well hydrated, or could you take a moment to sip some water? Pay attention to what your body wants- if you chug a bottle of water in seconds and still want more, you might benefit from drinking water more frequently throughout the day.
Reflect on how you felt when you woke up this morning. Have your energy levels shifted throughout the day? Are you experiencing brain fog or grogginess right now? Consider whether you would benefit from getting more sleep tonight than you did last night.
Take a moment to think about how many unopened texts or emails you have. Does this thought immediately spike your cortisol? Are there people you have been avoiding making plans with because their energy drains you? Dedicate ten minutes towards the end of your day to decide what messages you can easily take care of, and which ones could signal a bigger issue.
Resisting the desire to push yourself or operate at maximum capacity is hard. It’s not always possible to set rigid boundaries in every part of your life. Yes, there can be consequences for not fulfilling your duties at work or ghosting your friends for a month until you feel social again. And it is your responsibility to take care of your mind and body. I notice when there are warning signs of burnout, stress manifesting in the body, and uncontrollable anxieties about the excessive demands of being a working woman. I don’t think that people wake up one day feeling like their best self, and wake up the next feeling completely burnt out. These mood changes and negative emotions can sometimes come as a shock if you are not attuned to yourself, but there are usually signs. Please consider how you can listen to yourself and tend to your needs more often, as preventative care is much easier than intervening when symptoms are at their worst.
“Our bodies communicate to us clearly and specifically, if we are willing to listen.”― Shakti Gawain