Growing Pains
I have had countless conversations with other women about the woes of shopping for new clothing. Jeans in particular are a specific stressor; I’ve seen so many posts and heard stories of women sharing that two pairs of jeans from the same brand in the same size don’t actually match in their measurements. Jeans that don’t fit right can be suffocating. I would love to believe that Gen Z’s love for baggy pants has helped society move on from “standing jeans" - IYKYK and if you don’t, I’m referring to the jeans every millennial had that were so tight and skinny you could not sit without struggling to breathe. We deserve to sit without suffering. You cannot enjoy a beautiful moment if you’re too busy pulling up your pants. You also cannot enjoy your life if you have grown out of everything that makes your life what it is.
Sometimes I hear people say that they hold onto clothing that doesn’t fit anymore because they hope they can make it work again one day. Perhaps wishful thinking at best, but also harmful at worst. Women face constant pressure to shrink themselves. Shrink down in physical size, shrink their ambition to be more practical, and shrink how much space they take up or how loud their voice is. Instead of encouraging shrinking, I like to think about growth and expansion. Expanding your wardrobe with a variety of clothing sizes might help you feel more comfortable with your body, or accepting of how your body changes. Expanding your social circle to be surrounded by other like-minded people might result in fewer instances of being told you’re dreaming too big. Expanding the confines of the limits you impose on yourself will help you adapt to change and better manage growing pains instead of shrinking to stay in a space that you don’t fit in anymore.
Wear clothes that are your size! Stop squeezing into things that don’t fit! Have you caught on yet that I’m not just talking about your wardrobe? Think about your job, relationships, lifestyle, the city you live in, and everything else that you make space for in your world. Find the right fit. Choose comfort when you can. Do what feels right and what helps you function well, not just what makes you look good on paper.
When thinking about growth, we must make room for the inevitable grief that follows. You can grieve friendships that have changed with age and miss the life you used to live while adapting to new circumstances and intentionally participating in what feels right for you. You can feel upset that the town you once loved no longer feels like home, and think about how you can get out. Growth occurs naturally but we don't always have conversations about outgrowing something or someone. I see so many people force dynamics or roles that are unfulfilling because of the worry about disappointing someone or having an uncomfortable discussion about what will change. For people pleasers, those who have developed fawning responses as a survival mechanism, and every other person who naturally leans away from discomfort, these conversations will be difficult. Staying in a situation that you have outgrown will also be difficult. One of these hard scenarios will likely result in relief and liberation, while the other may not. Where there is growth and a new exciting path ahead, there will also be fear of the unknown. Picturing the relief that comes when you expand instead of squeeze yourself helps soften the landing.
You may have thought about what you are outgrowing while reading this post. Maybe sadness surfaced upon recognizing that you’re due for a change. Use these thoughts and feelings to audit your life and see what fits. What do you want to make room for? What feels like clutter? How have you shrunk yourself, and how can you give yourself permission to continue to grow? I hope you can find ways to release the heaviness and look to your future through the lens of growth.